Catcalling on the street. A favourite of
pop journalist opinion pieces, something that I’ve heard is a big deal in LA
and New York, not something I’ve ever really needed to confront in Melbourne.
My only firsthand experiences were being honked a few times when I was
awkwardly around 13 years old waiting for public transport, and a few comments
at rugby when fundraising for rowing in a zootie. As a 13 year old, I thought I
must have been standing on the road or messed something loud on my outfit, and
when fundraising I was delighted that a dude told me I had a nice rack when I
was a pretty flat-chested and grumpy lightweight rower.
So what of street harassment? And is this a
silly problem that is sucking oxygen away from more important gender
issues? The recent video of actress walking through New York and being
catcalled condemns without hesitation all who thought it was justified and welcome
to let strangers know that they are looking at them and they want a piece of
it. There is retaliation, mainly from
men, that catcalling is a compliment and a bit of harmless flirtation on the part of the
guy making a comment. Dating expert Steve Santigati even claims that a woman’s
greatest desire in public is to be told they are pretty, so all of this
complaining about catcalls is really to cover up a subconscious glee that dude
X on the train wants to know what you’re doing tonight. I love being told by a
stranger how I must be thinking, so cheers Steve for the psychoanalysis. My
opinion of this all is really to stop using catcalls as an excuse to enforce
the sexist status quo and get to know what is ok and not ok to say to a
stranger in the street.
I often see guys out in public who I think
are very attractive – often I wish I had walked up to them and said hello, or
made a conversational comment about their clothes or what they’re reading. The
few times I have mustered up the courage to talk to them, sometimes they have
subtly added their girlfriend into the conversation topic or that they’re just
not interested. I would deem it revolting for me to go up the man of interest
and be like, “I was just looking at you over there and you look pretty hot.
What are you doing tonight boy?” Even if you would love for someone to say this
to you, one has to accept that for most, it’s pretty fucking creepy for a
stranger to let you know that they’ve been watching you and thinking about
having sex with you. Especially if you’re a woman, and most probably unable to
defend themselves against a larger male (Though this fortunately was not the
case when in Marseilles an approximately 90 year old man about two heads
shorter than me and half my body weight joyously followed me back to my hostel,
calling out “bonjour, bonjour” the whole way).
So my voice on all of the madness is this:
I think it’s fun and exciting to meet people at any time or any place. It can
be the most exhilarating part of your day to actually go up to someone who
interests you in any way and try to have a connection. On the other hand, I
DON’T think it is ok for someone to talk AT you and make it clear that your
purpose in their life is for your image and you as an object to arouse them. 99%
of the time, especially during the day, it is unacceptable and mean for one to
go up to another have let them know that they are being seen in this way, when
they’re trying to work or run errands.
Want to give a genuine compliment to someone you see? Make conversation and assess whether their personality would welcome it. Some women would like it, some wouldn't. Would these guys in LA or NYC actually approach these women they catcall, look them in the eye and say hello properly? I like to say hello and smile at as many people as possible during the day. I also would love to have the confidence to go up to guys who interest me and get to know them, and vice versa have guys approach me to make friendly conversation. This subtle change in public interaction is a huge step for gender equality, and you never know, a genuine greeting to an attractive passerby could garner far greater results than “Nice ass sweetheart!”
Want to give a genuine compliment to someone you see? Make conversation and assess whether their personality would welcome it. Some women would like it, some wouldn't. Would these guys in LA or NYC actually approach these women they catcall, look them in the eye and say hello properly? I like to say hello and smile at as many people as possible during the day. I also would love to have the confidence to go up to guys who interest me and get to know them, and vice versa have guys approach me to make friendly conversation. This subtle change in public interaction is a huge step for gender equality, and you never know, a genuine greeting to an attractive passerby could garner far greater results than “Nice ass sweetheart!”
To see Santigati's "mansplaining" of NY catcall video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HI4DC18wCg
