With the Victorian Government’s overhaul of
rape laws reopens the always fresh wound of rape and consent opinion within the
public. Discussion of rape and consent whittles down all the way to everyday interactions as we doggedly try to work out who wants to have sex with who.
From unwanted texting to rape, every action
without consent is always the entire fault of the offender. I am sick of
hearing from my friends that they don’t want to directly confront unwanted
attention, because it would embarrass the guy. Sorry girls, but that is part of
the whole game. The guy is putting himself out there, because you have every
right to politely decline his interest. If he is playing, “I’m just being
friendly”, it doesn’t matter, his idea of platonic friendship is weird for
you, and you aren’t interested so you should probably let him know. If he is
offended, that’s his fault for assuming that he could have you, he should give
up and use his time elsewhere. It’s your sex, and as an adult you have complete
power for the rest of your life to say yes and no to whatever you want. If you
joyously participated in a bukkake one day, then the next wasn’t too keen on a
guy calling you “sweetheart” at work, that is your right and completely
justified. Take some power back and enjoy having ownership over your actions.
This concept of knowing and celebrating
your power to say yes and no extends all the way to rape, whereby as soon as
the line of consent is crossed, it’s rape and you are traumatised, no matter
what situation you had put yourself in. The offender must be blamed and charged
with rape, not sexual violation as what has been suggested by the rape and
consent law overhaul this week. While it seems that adding the charge, “sexual
violation” is a fallback and provides some solace to victims when rape cannot
be charged, this confirms the fear we have of charging someone with rape. As
far as I’m concerned, if any sex has occurred without consent, or where the
offender has the advantage due to lack of consent, it’s rape, rape, rape, and
the offender should be charged with rape. Just because the victim was drunk, or
has had plenty of consensual sex drunk in the past does not make it any less of
a rape case. Adults have every right to get smashed, and it does not undermine their right to speak up if something happened while drunk.
I have been in countless situations, drunk
and sober, where I would have been “at risk” of being raped. But I never have. When
I was 19 at Falls Festival, I celebrated New Year’s Eve with vodka-filled water
bottles, and woke up alone on a mattress of a stranger’s car, fully clothed, bag
with phone and money intact. When I was 20, I travelled Europe
largely alone for a month, and enjoyed wandering small towns and big cities
alone, day and night. On one particular night after a pub crawl with male hostel
friends met that night, I woke up on the floor of a random hotel room with a group
of British tourists. No rape, nothing. I will, at least once a week, walk home
in the city in the dark alone, and one of those times was once in the small hours wearing an
Australian flag and bikini as appropriate attire for an Anything But Clothes
party on Exhibition St. I hardly got a weird look, let alone unwanted sexual
attention. I am entitled to walk wherever I like, wearing whatever I like, in
whatever state I like. It is shameful, that we have accepted that the streets
at night are unsafe. It is shameful, that some are too afraid to be alone at
night in the city, and choose to go out of their way to avoid that situation. Why
should we negotiate with terrorists? What’s more, why should we pin rape to the
male psyche, and assume all men are capable, when it has nothing to do with
“boys being boys” and everything to do with choice? Men are not by nature
vicious ruthless sexual psychos, and the few that are have nothing to do with other men. And don’t even think the word, “testosterone”, people aren’t
slaves to their hormones to the point that they rape someone - if they break this rule,
they need to be locked up forever.
I am not lucky for avoiding rape in any of the above situations, plus quite a few more that I have been in. I did not expect anything to happen,
because I don’t expect men to rape me, just like I don’t expect the girl on the
tram to open fire. When these things do happen, it isn’t inevitable, it is
horrific and is a bloodstain on a species that can and always will have the
ability to choose. Not only is it a horrible insult to all men, to assume that
they can’t control themselves, it also excuses such bad behaviour under that
revolting archaic, boys will be boys slogan, traditionally attributed to
schoolboys playing in the mud, also seemingly applicable to a college gang rape.
There is no such thing as sexual violation, the victim will not be half-traumatised from a "half-rape”. It’s all the same thing, and once you cross the
barrier of foregoing consent every single action is rape and you should be
charged with doing so. Even if she was a prostitute. Even if she was wearing a
bikini and Australian flag at 4am alone in the middle of the city.
If you rape someone, it is not because you
are a man. It is because you are a rapist. You made the greatest error of judgment
possible, short of actually murdering someone. Some, in fact, would prefer to
die than be raped. Leave sexual violation and men out of it.
